Do You Believe in Soul Mates?

Comments about individuals believing they are marrying their soul mates are often mentioned in press releases and stories about long lasting marriages. Soul mate movie themes are popular, too.

We heard engaged couples on Engaged Encounter Weekends talking about how they found their soul mates. Advertisements for match making services try to sell the idea that you can find your soul mate by taking their tests.

If you believe in the idea of only one soul mate for each person, you may assume that a partnership of two soul mates should be able to handle challenging times easily. That may not always be the case.

Douglas LaBier, Ph.D., describes a soul mate as an "idealized lover", an "unattainable ideal", and a "flawed pursuit". But he also believes that by having a mature love relationship with openness, letting go of control, and making time for each other, you can have a soul mate experience with your spouse.

    "I think there's a way to grow and develop the soul mate experience with your partner. It's attainable in reality, but only when it's part of mature adult love. That is, it emerges from a sustainable adult relationship -- a blend of erotic desire, friendship, and respect and support of each other's growth and development as independent, different human beings."
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